So this time around…
No, not so fun being at home.
You try and imagine this:
- Sepatutnya macam happy dapat balik rumah because instead of eating hospital food, I can eat whatever yummy food there are before my confinement period starts. Go eat at fancy restaurants and have that delicious chocholate dessert that I love so much, even!
- Sleep in my own bed, with the fluffiest comforter and snuggle on my pregnancy pillow.
- Chill and watch TV, and maybe bounce on the exercise ball if I can still manage. The point – chilling at home in front of TV is of course more relaxing than pretending to chill in the hospital when in fact you’re scared anytime doc might come and induce you,kan?
Namun, secara realitinya…..
- Cubaan nak makan makin gagal sebab pain is now every 5 minutes. Kau baru nak bangun makan, dah contraction. Baru nak duduk kat meja, terpaksa mencangkung dulu tahan contraction. Kau nak suap nasi, contraction. Malas nak makan, tahu tak?
- Sleep? Anda bergurau, kah?
- Instead of chilling, I am chilled from all the pain.
Do you know how people say contraction pain is just like dysmenorrhea, but at a more painful scale?
Its nothing like dysmenorrhea at all.
Its the kind of pain that is so painful that
- You gritted your teeth so hard that when the pain is over, you have toothache and felt like your tooth is going to tercabut
- When the pain comes, you shut your eyes so tight, wishing it away but the pain just gets worse and worse until your eyelids are numb, and you can literally feel the tiredness of your eyelids muscles when you opened your eyes
- You fear the next round of pain
- You wish, oh you so wish, for some epidural – don’t care about all those side effects that you have researched so extensively before labour. Because dozens of people have taken it and still live and you have no time to think about giving your kid a drug-free start in life anymore. You.just.need.it.now.
But I do remember…
the feeling of toothache after each contractions, I remember being in some delirious state in between the contractions, wishing for epidural, and I remember my husband.
My loving and ever so helpful husband, whom, at that point, seems to be at a lost of things to do to comfort me.
You see, for some reasons when I’m having these contractions, especially after going to the doctor for the second time, I felt somewhat angry.
So, naturally, the anger will be channeled to the person closest to me – Azam lah.
He tried to provide some relief by rubbing my back, but somehow he rubbed a bit to hard, or a bit too soft, so I barked at him.
He tried to help me time my contractions, so he was ever so ready with his handphone and the contraction timer ON, but I felt irritated at him staring at me during my contractions so again, I snatched the phone away from him and commented – I also can time this myself!
Before he even tried, I warned him “Please don’t ask me to Sabr or berzikir or what okay, I cant even open my mouth when the contrac…” (cannot finish sentence because contraction comes)
Padan muka aku
So after a while, I guessed he realized that being near me will only irk me further.
But he still wanted to help.
And I remembered what he did so vividly because for some reason, I found it calming and helping so I’d like to share them here in the hopes that it will inspire many other husbands to try the same technic if your wife is more on the aggressive side when she’s in pain….like me.
In between my contraction pains;
I noticed that he has gone and taken his wudhu’, and I remembered seeing him stand in prayer.
I remembered listening to him making prayer to keep me and the baby safe, for Allah to lessen my pain and for me to be calmer (hah! He dare!)
And because somehow I got angrier if he was near me, I remembered seeing him sitting and leaning against the wall at the other end of the room, uttering Zikr loudly so I can hear.
Well, loudly at first before I snapped at him (again) to keep his voice down.
My loving, ever so helpful husband.
He turned to the only way to seek help, and it miraculously works.
Tips for fathers-to-be out there!
So now… it’s already 7:30 pm…
Azam was tired from all the Zikr and watching me being in constant pain.
At around this time, I no longer can tahan the pain – with every contraction that came, I literally almost shouted and cried.
Was not even 3 contractions in 10 minutes yet.
The next contraction, I saw Azam’s face hardened when I cried in pain and for a minute I wanted to marah him – I was in pain and now he wanted to complain about my shoutings, is it?!
Tak sempat marah lagi he said – Siap. Kita pergi hospital.
Phew, nasib baik tak termarah.
Tapi belum 3 in 10 lagi? Nanti doktor marah.
Kita pergi. Yang dah sakit macam ni. Sampai sana nanti kita mintak masuk wad.
Yes – epidural!!!! Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy *sujud syukur dalam hati*
So pung pang pung pang, we’re on our way to the hospital…
The first thing I will do is get that damn epidural!